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Aug. 7th, 2005 05:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73I am nervous out of my head. That's the only phrase coming to mind, which I think is code for, "I'm going bonkers."
I have a real-live job interview on Tuesday, and I am nervous out of my head. I've never had a real one of these before. Sure, I've taught classes on the topic, but never actually done one where it mattered in terms of full-time employment. I suppose, also, that I've never had full-time employment before either, not in the strict sense. I'm interviewing at the Colorado AIDS Project, and the position would be awesomely great. It would rock. Of course, by Tuesday morning, I need to come up with a more eloquent way of saying how much it would rock, and how much I would rock as a part of the CAP team.
I get back into Denver on Tuesday (oh wait, I'm not prepared for that yet either!) at 8 am, and my interview is at 11. I've spent the last while looking up bus routes and directions, since I don't know yet if I'm begging the roomies for a ride or bussing it. And all the looking up of bus routes has turned on the antsiness about this infamous meeting. I'm sure it will go well, but I'm not sure that it will go well enough to convince her how well I think we could match. I'm trying to combine this excitement, nervousness, expectations, and cool-as-a-cucumber-ness into one sane form of a Theresa.
And did I mention I move back to Denver on Tuesday? Am I ready for that? Not in the packing sense, and I don't know about the emotional sense. I talked to Mo today, and it hit me again that I really am leaving here. I've spent the past few weeks getting back into a routine of how to live here at home, and now I'm going to go mess it up again. When I left Annette's wedding last night, I realized that I don't know when I'll see a lot of that crowd again. Moving away and living somewhere new (relatively) means a different thing than moving away for school. I will be home for holidays, but in a different sense. I am committed to Denver, to our new Community, to all those things that present themselves out there. The woman I've been talking to from CAP says that they want someone who would make at least a two-year commitment to the agency. And I'd be willing to make that commitment. But what am I committing to out there? How long am I committed to? I keep saying, as I've said for quite a while, that eventually when I get around to doing that "settling down" thing, I want to do that back here in the Twin Cities. I'm reminded of that conversation sophomore year in my dorm room about "dating material" and "marriage material;" I want to date Denver, but settle down with Minnesota. And I think that's okay to want that, to realize that. Maybe Denver will turn out to be something really long-term, but maybe not. All of a sudden here, I'm moving away to what sort of feels like the beginning of another school year, but people around me are continuing their adventures where they're at, and there's no guarantee that we'll all be home (wherever that is these days) at Thanksgiving together.
I spent a while last night after I got home listening to David Rovics, which is so amazingly great and depressing at the same time. It leaves me feeling un-filled, incoherent, separate.
So I'm incoherent, and nervous out of my head for the upcoming adventures. I want everything so much. I thought it was confusing enough to refer to both Minnesota and Omaha as "home." Now I have three.
I have a real-live job interview on Tuesday, and I am nervous out of my head. I've never had a real one of these before. Sure, I've taught classes on the topic, but never actually done one where it mattered in terms of full-time employment. I suppose, also, that I've never had full-time employment before either, not in the strict sense. I'm interviewing at the Colorado AIDS Project, and the position would be awesomely great. It would rock. Of course, by Tuesday morning, I need to come up with a more eloquent way of saying how much it would rock, and how much I would rock as a part of the CAP team.
I get back into Denver on Tuesday (oh wait, I'm not prepared for that yet either!) at 8 am, and my interview is at 11. I've spent the last while looking up bus routes and directions, since I don't know yet if I'm begging the roomies for a ride or bussing it. And all the looking up of bus routes has turned on the antsiness about this infamous meeting. I'm sure it will go well, but I'm not sure that it will go well enough to convince her how well I think we could match. I'm trying to combine this excitement, nervousness, expectations, and cool-as-a-cucumber-ness into one sane form of a Theresa.
And did I mention I move back to Denver on Tuesday? Am I ready for that? Not in the packing sense, and I don't know about the emotional sense. I talked to Mo today, and it hit me again that I really am leaving here. I've spent the past few weeks getting back into a routine of how to live here at home, and now I'm going to go mess it up again. When I left Annette's wedding last night, I realized that I don't know when I'll see a lot of that crowd again. Moving away and living somewhere new (relatively) means a different thing than moving away for school. I will be home for holidays, but in a different sense. I am committed to Denver, to our new Community, to all those things that present themselves out there. The woman I've been talking to from CAP says that they want someone who would make at least a two-year commitment to the agency. And I'd be willing to make that commitment. But what am I committing to out there? How long am I committed to? I keep saying, as I've said for quite a while, that eventually when I get around to doing that "settling down" thing, I want to do that back here in the Twin Cities. I'm reminded of that conversation sophomore year in my dorm room about "dating material" and "marriage material;" I want to date Denver, but settle down with Minnesota. And I think that's okay to want that, to realize that. Maybe Denver will turn out to be something really long-term, but maybe not. All of a sudden here, I'm moving away to what sort of feels like the beginning of another school year, but people around me are continuing their adventures where they're at, and there's no guarantee that we'll all be home (wherever that is these days) at Thanksgiving together.
I spent a while last night after I got home listening to David Rovics, which is so amazingly great and depressing at the same time. It leaves me feeling un-filled, incoherent, separate.
So I'm incoherent, and nervous out of my head for the upcoming adventures. I want everything so much. I thought it was confusing enough to refer to both Minnesota and Omaha as "home." Now I have three.
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Date: 2005-08-08 01:08 am (UTC)by the way, do I have a friendship mix that I don't remember?
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Date: 2005-08-08 05:27 am (UTC)Thanks for being a wonderful wife. I'm hugging you, too.
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Date: 2005-08-08 03:33 am (UTC)And if they don't take you... they are fREEEKIN idiots.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-08 05:30 am (UTC)The forking was fun. I figured that since you didn't know how long we'd be sticking around, you decided to head out and see us if you saw us. (Did that make sense?) What'd you guys get sick with? That's no good. We forked "CONGRATS!", with one of the forks holding a piece of paper that said "14" on it. The Problems at Table 14 strike again! :)
Feel better, and I'll hope to talk to you soon. You're the best.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-08 03:07 pm (UTC)I love you muchos :)
Katie
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Date: 2005-08-08 07:22 pm (UTC)I'll make a point to see you next time I am coming through your part of town. We didn't get home til 11:30 as it was last week, so a stop wasn't the best plan. Next time, though!
lots of love,
~Theresa