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Jun. 22nd, 2005 04:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73Somehow, the fact that I just got a plane ticket home for all of July somehow helps me feel better about the fact that CVV officially ends in a week.
I don't know how to think of this. When Shannon said the other day that she doesn't know how to explain this year to other people who weren't there, all I can think of is, "exactly." Lisa and I talked this morning at breakfast about how we could each talk for four hours about just one of our roommates, let alone how that roommate's relationships are with each other Community member. And then where into those stories do we start to tell about work? About what women who are homeless have taught me? What does it mean to tell someone, "I've changed and grown this year, and I won't be the same"?
I've avoided (unintentionally, mostly) thinking too much about the end of our time together, because I know I'll cry. I'm crying as I type this.
I have five days left as a full-time member of The Gathering Place community. One more Writers' Group. One more day in the kitchen. Two shifts left in the Computer Lab. One more Govinda's snack. One more ice cream supervision session with Maura. One more week of seeing Marlena, Ramona, Xea, Christine, Pam, Ari, Bridget, Leslie, Rebecca, Adrienne, Liola, and Geri on a regular basis.
I'm not even going to THINK any more right now about what I have left of CVV.
Maybe.
Somehow, talking about what the next steps are is easier to think about sometimes than what all I'm going to miss. So I can talk about how I'm going home from July 3-August 8. And I can talk about my new house in Denver, complete with a Ryan, a Maura, a Nicky, an Erin, and all the wonderful potential that a new Community needs and gets. I can talk about how the only job I have in my pocket is hopefully working Vacation Bible Camp back at Pax for a week. I can talk about how I am getting Maura's (work Maura, not Community Maura) bicycle for transportation.
I cannot talk about wondering who in the world will hold me next year when I need to cry. Or who will eat breakfast with me. Or who will take longs walks with me after dinner. Or who will do dances when he sees that we have M&Ms in the cupboard. Or who will give me backrubs. Or who will fill in so well for the things that Kevin, Lisa, Maureen, Tiana, Siobhann, Tony, and Jacob do so well this year. I don't want or need replacements, I just want people who recognize my needs and support me.
I'm so excited about so much of what is ahead, but I don't know what to do in the meantime. But I'm awfully relieved to be going home.
(And I'm also relieved that there are NO FINALS among all this transition!)
I don't know how to think of this. When Shannon said the other day that she doesn't know how to explain this year to other people who weren't there, all I can think of is, "exactly." Lisa and I talked this morning at breakfast about how we could each talk for four hours about just one of our roommates, let alone how that roommate's relationships are with each other Community member. And then where into those stories do we start to tell about work? About what women who are homeless have taught me? What does it mean to tell someone, "I've changed and grown this year, and I won't be the same"?
I've avoided (unintentionally, mostly) thinking too much about the end of our time together, because I know I'll cry. I'm crying as I type this.
I have five days left as a full-time member of The Gathering Place community. One more Writers' Group. One more day in the kitchen. Two shifts left in the Computer Lab. One more Govinda's snack. One more ice cream supervision session with Maura. One more week of seeing Marlena, Ramona, Xea, Christine, Pam, Ari, Bridget, Leslie, Rebecca, Adrienne, Liola, and Geri on a regular basis.
I'm not even going to THINK any more right now about what I have left of CVV.
Maybe.
Somehow, talking about what the next steps are is easier to think about sometimes than what all I'm going to miss. So I can talk about how I'm going home from July 3-August 8. And I can talk about my new house in Denver, complete with a Ryan, a Maura, a Nicky, an Erin, and all the wonderful potential that a new Community needs and gets. I can talk about how the only job I have in my pocket is hopefully working Vacation Bible Camp back at Pax for a week. I can talk about how I am getting Maura's (work Maura, not Community Maura) bicycle for transportation.
I cannot talk about wondering who in the world will hold me next year when I need to cry. Or who will eat breakfast with me. Or who will take longs walks with me after dinner. Or who will do dances when he sees that we have M&Ms in the cupboard. Or who will give me backrubs. Or who will fill in so well for the things that Kevin, Lisa, Maureen, Tiana, Siobhann, Tony, and Jacob do so well this year. I don't want or need replacements, I just want people who recognize my needs and support me.
I'm so excited about so much of what is ahead, but I don't know what to do in the meantime. But I'm awfully relieved to be going home.
(And I'm also relieved that there are NO FINALS among all this transition!)
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Date: 2005-06-23 01:04 am (UTC)I so know what you mean. That's how I felt after Ecuador and after my sexual assualt. It's just this overwhelming feeling that no one can possibly understand what happened except the ones who were there. I've heard a lot of soldiers feel that way when they return from war, too. What day do you get home? I'd luv to see ya. And if you'll be here till Aug. 8, you'll be at my wedding? :-) I want you to be there. You'll probably have the invitation at your house when you get home. See ya! And don't cry too much.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 02:59 pm (UTC)I'll be home the third of July- really soon. I'll give you a call after I'm back and settled.
love,
~Terry
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Date: 2005-06-24 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 04:48 pm (UTC)When can I call you to chat?
love you, hate you, miss you
~Vicky
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Date: 2005-06-23 04:55 pm (UTC)love and hatred,
~Therrt
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Date: 2005-06-24 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-24 06:18 pm (UTC)tons of love,
~Theresa