(no subject)

[terrypurple73]

In which Theresa practiced her assertiveness/honest communication:

1. Told a roommate last week that I felt uncomfortable with her teasing comments about Ryan and I being husband and wife. Especially with all the relationship/dating issues our community has faced this year, those comments aren't really appropriate.

2. Thought of Khodai the other night when a few of us heard a woman performing at a coffee shop, and I sat down and wrote him a note to say hi, and tell him what I've appreciated about our friendship.

3. Had a conversation with Justin, the former JVC who I had a crush on for a while. First I invited him to mass with me next weekend (at the Jesuit parish nearby), and then I didn't even have to make the awkward transition, because he asked, "Did I do something to piss you guys off?" So I told him that it makes me uncomfortable when he spends half the time that we're together hitting on girls and/or talking about hot girls. I told him I enjoy his company about half the time, but when he starts doing that, I have less fun. When it looks like hitting on girls is his main motivation, it doesn't make him seem very genuine, and it makes me wonder how real he's being with me. And I told him all that. It was a good conversation. He was taken aback, but he also seemed responsive, which makes me think I did a good job- hopefully I was honest enough, but respectful enough.
When I read Shannon's entry this morning about "feminist honesty," I thought about assertiveness again. I think it does work. I don't think it necessarily gives you the response you think you need, but when communication is done right, it opens up the person's realm of thinking. It's back to power- when someone know that she/he has the power to hurt you, even if unintentionally, it changes the relationship. I think Justin and I will be on a better track now, after yesterday's conversation.
I was telling Lisa and Ryan yesterday that I don't think I'm really that excellent in communication, I'm just willing to practice it.

4. Sent out two resumes for jobs last Thursday.

Things are wrapping up out here, but everything feels fresh when I've said my mind, it seems.

Comments

[demonbaby19.livejournal.com]

There must be something going around. I'm glad we're both working on being honest and assertive. Even if it doesn't do those crazy boys any good (and probably it will), it will at least do us some good in the long run.

I really liked this sentence in particular:

When it looks like hitting on girls is his main motivation, it doesn't make him seem very genuine, and it makes me wonder how real he's being with me.

I think that's a good and direct analysis, and I can relate to what you're talking about. Hopefully it made sense to him too.

Do you know yet if/when you're coming home for the summer? I thought of you the other night while talking to Leo because I had one of those "why is it getting light out?" moments. I think we could use an all-night session of Our Conversation sometime soon.

[peachnettie.livejournal.com]

Bravo for being honest and open about your problems with other people. It's so much better than keeping it all in.

[jylllynn.livejournal.com]

Yay Theresa! While you're busy being assertive, I'm practicing keeping my big mouth shut (most of the time ;)

Hooray Assertiveness!

[katydidsmile.livejournal.com]

I think that I needed to read this today because I could post more examples than I would like of times that I was not assertive these past couple of weeks and wish that I have been. Today was really gloomy all day, and I feel gloomy. I never really did wake up. But the past couple of days I've been in such a great mood that it only seems accurate that today be mostly gloomy. Did you get my e-mail T? I really hope that you will be around. I might be more excited about the prospect of seeing you during my layover than going to the actual wedding. By the way, one of the D5 girls, Sarah Saddin, GOT MARRIED! What??!! She never even told us she was serious about any boy. But I guess that she's having a big Indian wedding next year. Ok- I'm trying to think of positives for the day. I was positively assertive a bit. I told a woman who always comes in just before we close that I would not replace her 3rd "stolen" laundry voucher and that she came in too late to sign up for a shower. It sounds horrible, but she has severe mental illnesses and her outreach worker told me that she needs clear boundaries to be reinforced. Clearly, this is very difficult for me. Also, yesterday I responded to Stefan's e-mail by telling him that I was no longer willing to carry the burdens of self-blaim, sadness, and guilt that accompanied my feelings of failure in regards to the loss of our friendship. The Portland plundge starts tomorrow (I will be unavailable for a week) so I hope to catch you tonight. Love you!