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Mar. 20th, 2005 08:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73I'm sitting here in Omaha at the Big House at SOP, and things are good.
I've spent the weekend being a nomad around Omaha, and it feels just fine. It feels good to really know that popping by someone's home isn't invading, but I can be welcome, and not worry that I am intruding.
Friday was wonderful on campus, mostly with Barb in the SWK dept, who understand so much and is supportive and encouraging of what I am about. Also, she video-taped me for her new SWK website, and then gave me a sweatshirt and a ride over to see Julia. After playing on campus, I FAC-ed with the SOP-ers, which felt like home. It is still home, in a lot of ways. When I showered on Saturday morning, it felt just like a shower should feel, because I lived at that house and showered (occasionally) there for two years. When I asked questions and helped myself to food at the houses, I asked things like, "Do we have any juice?" and "Do we have chips and salsa?" My laundry basket is still there, as are many of the things I hung up back in the day. And so the temptation to move in to the Little House next year with Kat and Jill is very much there. I know I live well with them, and that's tempting to go back to. I'm thinking a lot about the balance between comfort and challenge these days. It's actually what I'm trying to write my newsletter article about for CVV. How much should I push myself to do new things, and how much can I rely on what I already know could work? Is it not necessarily the best choice to move back to Omaha, live back in the Little House, and go back to work at the Salvation Army? That idea sounds all right, these days. But I still kind of want to start a Catholic Worker house with Ryan. That's kind of just as tempting. I sort of feel that if I stay in Colorado, then I won't ever move back to Omaha. And if I move back to Omaha now, I won't ever move back to Colorado. That's all just speculation, but that's kind of where my thoughts are sitting. After a few years in either place, I intend to get myself back to Minnesota, so going back there right now isn't where I'm leaning. At least not today. So where do I feel called? How do I nurture the professional in my before I lose all desire for it? How do I do that at the same time as nurturing the Catholic Worker in me? I keep saying, as I've said all year, that since I'll probably have people to live with wherever I end up next year, that where I go will probably just depend on where I get a job. And now the time is coming when I have to choose where to apply for these potential jobs. I submitted my resume at the Salvation Army here in Omaha on Friday. That's a safe first step, and I don't know what it means. There are openings for summer Worker positions at the Catholic Worker houses in Denver and Duluth, among many others, I'm sure. Barb want me to apply to CPS (or the Department, in general) here in Omaha for next year. Maura is going to grad school next year, and her position at TGP will be open. Though I don't know that I would want it or that I would be qualified for it, who knows. So many things are tempting to me, are exciting to me, are possibilities to me, that I don't know how to follow my heart for them.
In the meantime, it's felt good to follow my heart back here for a weekend, being able to spend time with the people that mean so much to me, who both comforted and challenged me during my years here. Vicky picked me up at the train station and took me to eat before she went on her way to Phoenix. Vince snuggled me at FAC and joked about one-night-stands with me. Kat and the rest of SOP drank milkshakes on Friday night, and we sat around and just were. The red-L-shaped-couch snuggled me as I slept in for the first time in a long time on a Saturday. Bill treated me to lunch and a wonderful discussion on Saturday afternoon. The area peaceniks treated me to a peace rally afterwards, which reminded me of Shannon's visit out here last year on the anniversary of the war. Last night I spent with Mana, which was great to just chill and be with her. I love how I can say thoughts that are totally un-thought-out, and they make sense with her. Somehow, watching Trading Spaces still can feel like quality time, just because we know that we work and are good and love each other. She helps me sort through things. And then she agrees with me that my 'new' overalls didn't look good on me, so I am returning them to William. We spent some time last night with Colin, which was fun, and he is coming to visit me for a few days this upcoming week, which is exciting. And this afternoon, I hung out with Jess, who I hadn't caught up with in about a hundred years. We swapped pictures, graduation stories, and thoughts about boys and about service. She is wonderful, and I loved being able to spend time with her.
Lunch and talking with Bill were great ways to spend the afternoon. We seem to make a lot of sense to each other, and we support each other so readily. We talked a lot about future plans we each have, and somehow we have a way to see where each other's passion lies. He knew that the Catholic Worker idea was really appealing to me, even though I didn't say it exactly outright. We talk and laugh about the other's love life (and the fact that it's good we don't have one, but it was good to get that out in the open last year), and then we support each other. He thinks that I would be a great pair with my JVC crush, which was nice to be reaffirmed on. (Combined with Mana's encouragement to ask Mr. JVC out, I'm thinking a little more about that. But I don't know, still. And that's all right.) And we laughed that we could never live together, because we'd start talking and never stop. Or we'd eat all the ice cream in the house.
The point is, I don't know where I'm going once July comes, but it felt really good to be here. I knew that my weekend here would be a little bit of a test to see how much I like Omaha coming back. This weekend didn't make up my mind on if I'm coming back or not, but that's all right. I didn't think there would be some banner hanging in Gifford Park Neighborhood that announced that I should move back here. But I'm still definitely thinking about it, and I like that idea.
All weekend long, I kept confusing "Omaha" and "Denver." I would use the cities interchangeably, which was kind of amusing.
I get back in the train tonight, in a matter of hours.
I've spent the weekend being a nomad around Omaha, and it feels just fine. It feels good to really know that popping by someone's home isn't invading, but I can be welcome, and not worry that I am intruding.
Friday was wonderful on campus, mostly with Barb in the SWK dept, who understand so much and is supportive and encouraging of what I am about. Also, she video-taped me for her new SWK website, and then gave me a sweatshirt and a ride over to see Julia. After playing on campus, I FAC-ed with the SOP-ers, which felt like home. It is still home, in a lot of ways. When I showered on Saturday morning, it felt just like a shower should feel, because I lived at that house and showered (occasionally) there for two years. When I asked questions and helped myself to food at the houses, I asked things like, "Do we have any juice?" and "Do we have chips and salsa?" My laundry basket is still there, as are many of the things I hung up back in the day. And so the temptation to move in to the Little House next year with Kat and Jill is very much there. I know I live well with them, and that's tempting to go back to. I'm thinking a lot about the balance between comfort and challenge these days. It's actually what I'm trying to write my newsletter article about for CVV. How much should I push myself to do new things, and how much can I rely on what I already know could work? Is it not necessarily the best choice to move back to Omaha, live back in the Little House, and go back to work at the Salvation Army? That idea sounds all right, these days. But I still kind of want to start a Catholic Worker house with Ryan. That's kind of just as tempting. I sort of feel that if I stay in Colorado, then I won't ever move back to Omaha. And if I move back to Omaha now, I won't ever move back to Colorado. That's all just speculation, but that's kind of where my thoughts are sitting. After a few years in either place, I intend to get myself back to Minnesota, so going back there right now isn't where I'm leaning. At least not today. So where do I feel called? How do I nurture the professional in my before I lose all desire for it? How do I do that at the same time as nurturing the Catholic Worker in me? I keep saying, as I've said all year, that since I'll probably have people to live with wherever I end up next year, that where I go will probably just depend on where I get a job. And now the time is coming when I have to choose where to apply for these potential jobs. I submitted my resume at the Salvation Army here in Omaha on Friday. That's a safe first step, and I don't know what it means. There are openings for summer Worker positions at the Catholic Worker houses in Denver and Duluth, among many others, I'm sure. Barb want me to apply to CPS (or the Department, in general) here in Omaha for next year. Maura is going to grad school next year, and her position at TGP will be open. Though I don't know that I would want it or that I would be qualified for it, who knows. So many things are tempting to me, are exciting to me, are possibilities to me, that I don't know how to follow my heart for them.
In the meantime, it's felt good to follow my heart back here for a weekend, being able to spend time with the people that mean so much to me, who both comforted and challenged me during my years here. Vicky picked me up at the train station and took me to eat before she went on her way to Phoenix. Vince snuggled me at FAC and joked about one-night-stands with me. Kat and the rest of SOP drank milkshakes on Friday night, and we sat around and just were. The red-L-shaped-couch snuggled me as I slept in for the first time in a long time on a Saturday. Bill treated me to lunch and a wonderful discussion on Saturday afternoon. The area peaceniks treated me to a peace rally afterwards, which reminded me of Shannon's visit out here last year on the anniversary of the war. Last night I spent with Mana, which was great to just chill and be with her. I love how I can say thoughts that are totally un-thought-out, and they make sense with her. Somehow, watching Trading Spaces still can feel like quality time, just because we know that we work and are good and love each other. She helps me sort through things. And then she agrees with me that my 'new' overalls didn't look good on me, so I am returning them to William. We spent some time last night with Colin, which was fun, and he is coming to visit me for a few days this upcoming week, which is exciting. And this afternoon, I hung out with Jess, who I hadn't caught up with in about a hundred years. We swapped pictures, graduation stories, and thoughts about boys and about service. She is wonderful, and I loved being able to spend time with her.
Lunch and talking with Bill were great ways to spend the afternoon. We seem to make a lot of sense to each other, and we support each other so readily. We talked a lot about future plans we each have, and somehow we have a way to see where each other's passion lies. He knew that the Catholic Worker idea was really appealing to me, even though I didn't say it exactly outright. We talk and laugh about the other's love life (and the fact that it's good we don't have one, but it was good to get that out in the open last year), and then we support each other. He thinks that I would be a great pair with my JVC crush, which was nice to be reaffirmed on. (Combined with Mana's encouragement to ask Mr. JVC out, I'm thinking a little more about that. But I don't know, still. And that's all right.) And we laughed that we could never live together, because we'd start talking and never stop. Or we'd eat all the ice cream in the house.
The point is, I don't know where I'm going once July comes, but it felt really good to be here. I knew that my weekend here would be a little bit of a test to see how much I like Omaha coming back. This weekend didn't make up my mind on if I'm coming back or not, but that's all right. I didn't think there would be some banner hanging in Gifford Park Neighborhood that announced that I should move back here. But I'm still definitely thinking about it, and I like that idea.
All weekend long, I kept confusing "Omaha" and "Denver." I would use the cities interchangeably, which was kind of amusing.
I get back in the train tonight, in a matter of hours.
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no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 09:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 08:24 pm (UTC)