last night entry
Aug. 4th, 2004 11:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73Talking with Colin tonight was fabulous. We ended our conversation with the understanding that we’ll both try to keep in touch, and would like that very much, but no one will feel the least bit offended if we don’t do so well at it. He just understands so much, and is so happy for me, and likewise, me for him. That’s something I love about him- we’re both so genuinely happy and excited for one another. I can spill it all out to him, and it makes sense. I don’t know. I just talked with him, and for well over an hour, about everything that’s happening lately in our lives. I heard about his job at NAP and how that’s going, and how he’s decided not to live in Community next year, and about some school stuff. And I told him all about my anxieties and my excitements and my new information today. (I talked to Maura, my supervisor at The Gathering Place, today.) I thought I’d be upset with him about his decision to not live at SOP, but I’m not mad, like I’d expected to be. I thought I’d be furious, angry that he would back out, especially when he knows how good it can be. But I’m not furious. I know it will be hard to live at home still, but I trust so much about Colin, and I really do trust so many of his decisions. I think it stinks that he’s not going to be there, and I think it stinks that his decision is so close to the start of the year, and I think it stinks that he won’t get to experience the amazing thing that actual community living is, and I think it stinks that SOP won’t have Colin Anderson as an official member. That all stinks, a lot. But it doesn’t stink that Colin is making a healthy decision for himself, and it doesn’t stink that he is backing out before he moved in, and it doesn’t stink that he will stay strongly connected to the community. It doesn’t stink at all that he thought this through, that it wasn’t a spur of the moment decision; instead, it was intentional. Maybe I would be taking it harder if I had prepared myself to live with him personally
It’s hard sometimes to remember that while SOP will always be a home to me, it is not my home right now. I take a lot of pride in the Community, but I also work to realize that in a matter of days, I will be a part of another community. That’s hard to realize in a lot of ways.
I explained to William last week what my summer has been like, in summation. I compared it to that week after I was back from Salvador- back in Omaha, but not back in Minnesota yet. Those of you who saw me that week know that I was kind of in a stupor, not entirely with it, not sure how to react to a lot of things, but wanting desperately to be a part of what was going on around me. That week was my El Salvador Hangover- not able to think about going home to Minnesota because I was still in the Salvador mindset. And this summer has really been my Omaha Hangover. So much of my time here has been dominated by thoughts and people from Omaha, which I love, but it’s simply meant that I haven’t spent the summer getting mentally ready for my time in Denver. What with roommate visits and lots of keeping in contact, there’s been so much fun and excitement and updating- it’s built a busy, busy Theresa, one who hasn’t been fully here in Minnesota very much. And it’s all okay, it’s just different, that’s all.
More later about my talk with Maura, some more thoughts on leaving, my last day at the Truempis, etc, etc.
And I said good-bye to Aaron tonight, and I didn’t like doing that....
It’s hard sometimes to remember that while SOP will always be a home to me, it is not my home right now. I take a lot of pride in the Community, but I also work to realize that in a matter of days, I will be a part of another community. That’s hard to realize in a lot of ways.
I explained to William last week what my summer has been like, in summation. I compared it to that week after I was back from Salvador- back in Omaha, but not back in Minnesota yet. Those of you who saw me that week know that I was kind of in a stupor, not entirely with it, not sure how to react to a lot of things, but wanting desperately to be a part of what was going on around me. That week was my El Salvador Hangover- not able to think about going home to Minnesota because I was still in the Salvador mindset. And this summer has really been my Omaha Hangover. So much of my time here has been dominated by thoughts and people from Omaha, which I love, but it’s simply meant that I haven’t spent the summer getting mentally ready for my time in Denver. What with roommate visits and lots of keeping in contact, there’s been so much fun and excitement and updating- it’s built a busy, busy Theresa, one who hasn’t been fully here in Minnesota very much. And it’s all okay, it’s just different, that’s all.
More later about my talk with Maura, some more thoughts on leaving, my last day at the Truempis, etc, etc.
And I said good-bye to Aaron tonight, and I didn’t like doing that....
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 11:46 pm (UTC)He explained his thoughts to me in a way that made a lot of sense; I hope he explained them as well to the Community.
We worked out fine this year without Mike, and you guys will work out well without Will and Colin. It sucks and hurts that people back out, but I have to believe that it is for the best, especially if doubts are that major before they would even move in.
I bet that Colin would be perfectly willing to talk more about his reasonings, and I hope that you are perfectly willing to talk to him about your reasons for being upset. Now that his decision has been made, there isn't a lot else for the Community to do but react to it and do the best it can to make him still comfortable at the houses. And he has to do his part too, to maintain relationships if he still wants to have them w/ SOP.
Talk to him, if you're furious. It can't make it worse.
Hate you!
Date: 2004-08-04 09:52 pm (UTC)~Victoria
Re: Hate you!
Date: 2004-08-04 11:49 pm (UTC)I am talking to you online, but I do want to talk with you tomorrow too, that would be wonderful.
I need to go to bed, but I will call you tomorrow. Yes, yes, yes.
with love and kicking,
~Therrt
no subject
Date: 2004-08-07 03:28 pm (UTC)It's too bad that Colin wont be in the community, I am really bummed about that. But as long as he thinks he is doing what is best for him then I am proud of him, I think that he had a lot of courage to come and face all of us at the same time on sunday in person because he knew that we would be upset.
Colin could have grown from living in the community, and I know he would have made the community Grow. However, Community is not for everyone and I understand that.
I think that nobody knows oneself better than oneself, (sometimes thats not true, but for the most part...)and I am happy that he is doing what he thinks is right for him.
I agree that it does not stink that he thought it through as I know he did and that it stinks that SOP won’t have Colin as an official member, because I know he did not want to leave the community, and certainly not be excommunicated by the spirit of PEACE community.
and in my book he is always welcome.
:-}