(no subject)
Jun. 27th, 2004 10:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73Spent the weekend in Omaha.
Talked about Will a lot, which surprised me, but it was okay. I think I’m realizing that I played into a lot of expectations in regards to him. I liked him, and I liked shacking with him, but I think I fell into expectations of people as to how I should be around him. I got the advice, “Ask him out!” quite a bit, which made sense, since for a while we were under the impression that he was flirting with me in a way that meant he was interested. But I also got the advice, “Tell him you won’t shack with him again until you go on a date.” There’s that expectation that simply shacking isn’t good enough, that it isn’t okay to like someone and flirt and then not spend any time together in a “date” setting. I’m not saying I was pressured by someone in particular to push whatever he and I had and didn’t have into a more ‘traditional’ relationship, but just because it wasn’t someone in particular doesn’t mean that there wasn’t pressure. I felt it myself, and put it on myself. What I’m trying to realize it that even though I liked him and genuinely wanted to get to know him better, whatever we had in the time frame we had was not optimal for trying to push it onto the traditional relationship path.
I realize this all sounds pretty vague unless you were there.
I think that when he stopped over to visit right after I got back from Salvador (the day he left for Pennsylvania for the summer), that served as closure for me. There was no big talk or anything, just him stopping over for a few minutes to swap computer stuff with Mana and say goodbye. I gave him a big hug when he left (and he said I give really good hugs- that was the first he’d gotten from me), and he left, and that was fine and good. That was just the bit of closure I needed in regards to him, just a good-bye with the acknowledgement that we probably wouldn’t see each other again. And then it was nice to talk about him some this weekend with KP and Mana. I thought of him when the Catholic Worker staying in my room snored pretty loudly. :)
Re-began reading “Cunt,” and I like it so far. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about gender roles and how they impact my ideas of kids and relationships. I’ve been trying to decide how I feel about using phrases like “I’m such a girl!” and “He was being such a guy about it....” I don’t know. More to come on this topic as I read more and have concrete things to say.
My weekend really was very good. I spend most of my awake time today talking with Mana. A lot of talk about relationships and how so many of those have played out and are shaping things now. But not in the dwelling, pessimistic rants that I can easily go into- very much discussion about how our ideas have changed about what we want and how we react to others. It felt really good to just be with her, both in the serious conversation sense and in the hanging out and online quizzes sense. It’s good to be able to tell her what’s going on in my life and get some real advice and listening from her.
I got to hear stories of India and the Netherlands from KP, and I got caught up with her last night for a while. We swapped stories of gossip, world travels, and love life ponderings. It was good to have my wife back in the country, especially for her birthday. We spend Friday evening- a whole bunch of us- at this honky-tonk dive bar in Council Bluffs where we danced up a storm, sometimes even with 40-something biker-cowboys, complete with leather, pony-tails, motorcycles, and a lot of Patsy Cline and older country music. But it was hilarious, and I’m glad we celebrated my wife’s birthday at someplace new and different. I do enjoy The Homey (no jokes, please! :)), but it was nice to do something totally crazy and unusual.
I also saw Victoria’s new house (complete with a new red couch and a pen out back for chickens/a goat/her roommate), hung out with some cool Catholic Workers and went to their trial, attended my first wedding shower, saw my conference boyfriend, gossiped, witnessed plenty of SoP drama, cut up a lot of watermelon, got a nice acknowledgement from Colin, had my rear end patted/slapped numerous times by Vincent, forgot to sign the basement wall, and mostly just enjoyed my time with my friends.
I’ll be back in three weeks for Nick-and-Joanna’s wedding. In between now and then, I get plenty of visitors. This coming weekend I get Colin and Caitlin, and the next weekend, I get Jill and Kat for the Basilica Block Party. Four weekends in a row of roommates. :)
Talked about Will a lot, which surprised me, but it was okay. I think I’m realizing that I played into a lot of expectations in regards to him. I liked him, and I liked shacking with him, but I think I fell into expectations of people as to how I should be around him. I got the advice, “Ask him out!” quite a bit, which made sense, since for a while we were under the impression that he was flirting with me in a way that meant he was interested. But I also got the advice, “Tell him you won’t shack with him again until you go on a date.” There’s that expectation that simply shacking isn’t good enough, that it isn’t okay to like someone and flirt and then not spend any time together in a “date” setting. I’m not saying I was pressured by someone in particular to push whatever he and I had and didn’t have into a more ‘traditional’ relationship, but just because it wasn’t someone in particular doesn’t mean that there wasn’t pressure. I felt it myself, and put it on myself. What I’m trying to realize it that even though I liked him and genuinely wanted to get to know him better, whatever we had in the time frame we had was not optimal for trying to push it onto the traditional relationship path.
I realize this all sounds pretty vague unless you were there.
I think that when he stopped over to visit right after I got back from Salvador (the day he left for Pennsylvania for the summer), that served as closure for me. There was no big talk or anything, just him stopping over for a few minutes to swap computer stuff with Mana and say goodbye. I gave him a big hug when he left (and he said I give really good hugs- that was the first he’d gotten from me), and he left, and that was fine and good. That was just the bit of closure I needed in regards to him, just a good-bye with the acknowledgement that we probably wouldn’t see each other again. And then it was nice to talk about him some this weekend with KP and Mana. I thought of him when the Catholic Worker staying in my room snored pretty loudly. :)
Re-began reading “Cunt,” and I like it so far. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about gender roles and how they impact my ideas of kids and relationships. I’ve been trying to decide how I feel about using phrases like “I’m such a girl!” and “He was being such a guy about it....” I don’t know. More to come on this topic as I read more and have concrete things to say.
My weekend really was very good. I spend most of my awake time today talking with Mana. A lot of talk about relationships and how so many of those have played out and are shaping things now. But not in the dwelling, pessimistic rants that I can easily go into- very much discussion about how our ideas have changed about what we want and how we react to others. It felt really good to just be with her, both in the serious conversation sense and in the hanging out and online quizzes sense. It’s good to be able to tell her what’s going on in my life and get some real advice and listening from her.
I got to hear stories of India and the Netherlands from KP, and I got caught up with her last night for a while. We swapped stories of gossip, world travels, and love life ponderings. It was good to have my wife back in the country, especially for her birthday. We spend Friday evening- a whole bunch of us- at this honky-tonk dive bar in Council Bluffs where we danced up a storm, sometimes even with 40-something biker-cowboys, complete with leather, pony-tails, motorcycles, and a lot of Patsy Cline and older country music. But it was hilarious, and I’m glad we celebrated my wife’s birthday at someplace new and different. I do enjoy The Homey (no jokes, please! :)), but it was nice to do something totally crazy and unusual.
I also saw Victoria’s new house (complete with a new red couch and a pen out back for chickens/a goat/her roommate), hung out with some cool Catholic Workers and went to their trial, attended my first wedding shower, saw my conference boyfriend, gossiped, witnessed plenty of SoP drama, cut up a lot of watermelon, got a nice acknowledgement from Colin, had my rear end patted/slapped numerous times by Vincent, forgot to sign the basement wall, and mostly just enjoyed my time with my friends.
I’ll be back in three weeks for Nick-and-Joanna’s wedding. In between now and then, I get plenty of visitors. This coming weekend I get Colin and Caitlin, and the next weekend, I get Jill and Kat for the Basilica Block Party. Four weekends in a row of roommates. :)
I heart my wife!
Date: 2004-06-28 07:26 am (UTC)Re: I heart my wife!
Date: 2004-06-28 07:02 pm (UTC)