(no subject)

[terrypurple73]

I had a great night tonight. And still, a part of me just feels like bawling. I did see Pickle for about ten minutes tonight, and that went fine. We didn’t talk much to each other- he and Mana mostly talked, but there wasn’t any blatant ignoring or anything. But the niceness of seeing an ex-boyfriend in a friendly way for the first time in nearly three years is about one-four-hundredth of the niceness of seeing my best friend for the first time in over a month. I was looking forward so much to this evening of seeing her, and it was really fun- we went to the movies and then to Annette’s to hang out with people, and everyone had a good good time. But I was looking forward to it so much, that all of a sudden it was over, and we were sitting in her car in my driveway asking, “When are we going to see each other next?” And I hate that. I just hate that we aren’t living by each other this summer. I love that we’ve been able to talk so frequently, and I love that we even get to spend time together once a month, but these little visits just remind me of how much I love her and how much just her presence alone means to me.

I also hate having to clean out me bedroom of everything I’ve ever possessed since fourth grade- trying to determine what has memorable significance and should be kept, and what I will never look at again, and what should be done to properly/respectfully dispose of those things that I’m not keeping, and where to put the things I will be keeping, and.... What do I do with one of those huge bins (the kind people give full of popcorn for Christmas) full of every note anyone has written me since middle school? Do I keep those? And I have a whole other bin the same size filled with other notes- that bin just from Jon. I started separating them, and they took over an entire bucket. What do I do with these? And other things that used to have sentimental value, but really don’t anymore? I started the cleaning process yesterday, and I re-remembered that I suck at throwing things out. So until I gather up some more mental energy to clean out some more drawers, I have a feeling that my room is going to be a pit probably until I move back to Omaha in a month.

I also hate that fact that as much as I might try otherwise, I still find that certain boys mean something to me, and I don’t know anything. Why is nothing consistent?

Comments

[beekyinchair.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't it be so much nicer if we could determine who meant something in our lives? I mean, for the most part we can but it seems that some people just have a way of sneaking onto the list without you knowing or wanting them to do so. I am in complete agreement about cleaning out the bedroom. I'm trying to do it right now and I only have til Aug. 1st! I hate seeing letters people wrote me in Venezuela and thinking, "I will never talk to these people again in my life but when they wrote these letters, it was so important to me, so what do I do with them?!?!" I think that whoever invented moving should die a horrible painful death, one that is filled with eyebrow plucking =)

Re:

[terrypurple73.livejournal.com]

Whoever invented moving, for her birthday, let's get her an eyeball curler- how about that?

I have not had to clean out these drawers and my closet in so many years- it's hard to know where to even start. It takes so much more energy than it should. At least in the dorms, you have to clean things out at the end of every year. Not that that is easy, but.... I don't know.

I hate that when I think my heart is the one to make decisions, it either wasn't really doing the deciding, or else it changed its mind. Do hearts have minds? Is that what the problem is?

See you in less than one month for hugs and um, moving, and kicking, and everything else.

hate you,
~Therrt

p.s. Shannon asked me last night about the latest Hellastink album and what ever happened to it.