weekend thoughts
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73It’s been an interesting weekend. Tense around the community. I’ve had a fine time, but there’s been an underlying tension this whole weekend, people being short with one another.
Friday night was a good time, and it went a lot smoother than I think I had anticipated. Mana, Victoria, John Troester, and Colin all came over to hang out. We dyed my hair red, and that makes me happy. I’d missed being a redhead. :) It’s not as drastic as last year’s dye job was, but it’s still definitely red. And I am glad about this. The five of us and Jeffy and KP all played Battle of the Sexes, and learned all sort of things about what the opposite sex is knowledgeable about. I may not know about golf or makeup, but Colin and Jeff certainly know about Nair and exfoliating! Anyways….
Last night was kind of difficult. I hung out with Vicky, and that was good, ‘cause we’ve been having a lot of good talks lately. But then I came home and things were weird. KP and I were the only ones home, because everyone else was out drinking. Or, they had been drinking, and were now out dancing. The two of us went to bed before most of the people came home, with the exception of Jeffy and Rosie, who were pretty trashed. Next time, I’m just going to stick a sign on the front door of our house that says, “If you’ve been drinking, go right to bed. We don’t want to talk with you. Go to bed.” They weren’t even that bad, but it just wasn’t good timing. KP wasn’t having a good evening, and neither of us was in a very upbeat mood, so drunken community-mates didn’t make things all that much better. Mostly, though, I just felt weird that everyone here, except for KP and I, drank last night, and everyone here, except for KP and I, shacked last night. That’s hard to be around. I mean, I guess neither of those is really that big of a deal, but it made me feel a little weird when EVERYONE was involved with that stuff last night. People can drink, whatever, not my concern for the most part, as long as I don’t need to be around it if I don’t want to be. And last night Victoria and I’d had plans, so no big deal. And as for shacking, people can do what ever they want. As long as it’s not in my bedroom, fine, do whatever you please. I do think it’s weird, however, that all these community members are hooking up. Rosie and Jeff was something I think we all knew was going to happen sooner or later. So fine, a little weird, but all right. I’ll deal with it, and have my own opinions. But now apparently there’s something between Mary and Mark, and, well, that was unexpected. I’m happy for them, fine, but it feels strange. I guess when all the people I live with have someone significant, that makes me feel a little left out. And when two of the guys I live with have chosen girls we live with as their significant others, that makes me feel a little rejected. It’s not that I want to date Jeff or Mark, not by any means. Neither of them is a guy I would really go for, and that’s fine. It really is. But when each of them falls for a girl they live with, well, it could have been me. That’s what seems to be the point that is bothering me. And again, I wouldn’t want to date either of them, but…. It could have been me, and the fact that it wasn’t doesn’t make me feel that great. It makes me feel like I’ve been overlooked, or something. And combined with the drinking of last night, I guess I just feel left out of all the things that are happening because I don’t drink, and I don’t have an interest in doing so.
(someone validate this rejection feeling I am sort of having. I just barely started telling about it to Neal, and he was clearly lost, and I felt foolish. Anyways...)
Friday night was a good time, and it went a lot smoother than I think I had anticipated. Mana, Victoria, John Troester, and Colin all came over to hang out. We dyed my hair red, and that makes me happy. I’d missed being a redhead. :) It’s not as drastic as last year’s dye job was, but it’s still definitely red. And I am glad about this. The five of us and Jeffy and KP all played Battle of the Sexes, and learned all sort of things about what the opposite sex is knowledgeable about. I may not know about golf or makeup, but Colin and Jeff certainly know about Nair and exfoliating! Anyways….
Last night was kind of difficult. I hung out with Vicky, and that was good, ‘cause we’ve been having a lot of good talks lately. But then I came home and things were weird. KP and I were the only ones home, because everyone else was out drinking. Or, they had been drinking, and were now out dancing. The two of us went to bed before most of the people came home, with the exception of Jeffy and Rosie, who were pretty trashed. Next time, I’m just going to stick a sign on the front door of our house that says, “If you’ve been drinking, go right to bed. We don’t want to talk with you. Go to bed.” They weren’t even that bad, but it just wasn’t good timing. KP wasn’t having a good evening, and neither of us was in a very upbeat mood, so drunken community-mates didn’t make things all that much better. Mostly, though, I just felt weird that everyone here, except for KP and I, drank last night, and everyone here, except for KP and I, shacked last night. That’s hard to be around. I mean, I guess neither of those is really that big of a deal, but it made me feel a little weird when EVERYONE was involved with that stuff last night. People can drink, whatever, not my concern for the most part, as long as I don’t need to be around it if I don’t want to be. And last night Victoria and I’d had plans, so no big deal. And as for shacking, people can do what ever they want. As long as it’s not in my bedroom, fine, do whatever you please. I do think it’s weird, however, that all these community members are hooking up. Rosie and Jeff was something I think we all knew was going to happen sooner or later. So fine, a little weird, but all right. I’ll deal with it, and have my own opinions. But now apparently there’s something between Mary and Mark, and, well, that was unexpected. I’m happy for them, fine, but it feels strange. I guess when all the people I live with have someone significant, that makes me feel a little left out. And when two of the guys I live with have chosen girls we live with as their significant others, that makes me feel a little rejected. It’s not that I want to date Jeff or Mark, not by any means. Neither of them is a guy I would really go for, and that’s fine. It really is. But when each of them falls for a girl they live with, well, it could have been me. That’s what seems to be the point that is bothering me. And again, I wouldn’t want to date either of them, but…. It could have been me, and the fact that it wasn’t doesn’t make me feel that great. It makes me feel like I’ve been overlooked, or something. And combined with the drinking of last night, I guess I just feel left out of all the things that are happening because I don’t drink, and I don’t have an interest in doing so.
(someone validate this rejection feeling I am sort of having. I just barely started telling about it to Neal, and he was clearly lost, and I felt foolish. Anyways...)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Belated response
Date: 2003-02-20 11:46 pm (UTC)I'll preface this by saying that it's kinda awkward responding to this journal but I thought it deserved some sort of comment.
Yes it sucks to be "un-hooked". I can understand the rejection factor. And yes, you're right... why wasn't it you? Then again, why shouldn't it be anyone and everyone? You are all bright, loving, wonderful, accepting people there at SOP and the fact that social norms tell us we should only be going out with one person at a time means that sometimes people get left out.
And maybe it's my fault... maybe my foray into the field of "Romancing Terry" induced some sort of vacuum around you. I mean nothing was clearly put out there that anything had begun or ended with us... unless of course you shared that information which is totally up to you. Go ahead, blame me. I can take it.
Since you didn't really want to date Mark or Jeff there isn't much to be worried about... but it still sucks not having anyone. I should know, I'm still a free radical. Despite the fact that I despise the commercialism that pervades V-Day, I'll admit it sucked not being with anyone I loved that night... everyone was busy or lives too far away.
About the drinking, I suppose not drinking or smoking does kind of limit the social activities that folks like us participate in. Even so, I tend to go with the crowd to the bar and order a soft drink or something. You're good company no matter what. You don't need alcohol to be open and uninhibited. You're willing to share yourself without the excuse of inebriation and so you'd be fine at the bar... as long as you can stand the smoke. If however you feel like "not-drinking-and-inhaling-other-people's-smoke" with someone gimme a call. I would gladly spend time with you rather than be someplace I'd have to pay upward of $2 for 8 ounces of Coke, yell, and breathe foul air.
As it is 1:30 in the morning now I suppose sleep is in order... I'm sure you've moved away from your feeling or rejectedness and my comment will go without notice... but now you can't say that no one cared. ~pat
Re: Belated response
Date: 2003-02-21 09:04 pm (UTC)The stuff about the boys in the community dating has nothing to do with anything about you. There's not a thing to blame on you. It never occurred to me that there would be.
It wasn't the fact that I wanted to hang out with them while they were drinking that bothered me. It was the fact that I don't really like being around drunken people that much. It makes me uncomfortable. So left out isn't exactly what I was feeling in regards to their drinking, it's, well, I don't know. But I have no interest in going to bars with them, not at this point.
I don't mean to be shooting your responses down, and I feel like that's what this sounds like. I'm glad you care and have a response to all this stuff that has been going on. It has gotten a lot better it seems around the houses, but that was one strange evening, and some strange days. I knwo that you understand what's it's like to be the one not drinking, etc. And I appreciate that.
take care,
~Theresa
clueless
Date: 2003-02-22 05:56 pm (UTC)You are a mystery T. A Rubik's cube with the stickers randomly moved about. A question like, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Of course, it wouldn't be you otherwise. I don't wish it to be any other way.
Hope Minnesota recharges the red-haired, skinny, wonder-woman. Omaha is that much less exciting without her.
~pat