terrypurple73 | (no subject)

I feel out of sorts tonight. It’s the kind of thing where if I was telling Shannon about it, she’d probably tell me I must be upset about something (like, say, leaving home tomorrow), when I would vehemently deny that going back to Omaha is affecting me. I know that must be it, somewhere in me, though. Otherwise I wouldn’t be getting choked up as I type about it. But the outward part still doesn’t feel like that is it. There must be something else that is making me feel off tonight. And seeing one of those ever-cheerful Edward Norton movies always lifts one’s spirits. Ha. I feel like my last few days at home have been sucked away from me. Yesterday I worked, did a paper, talked to a few people, and went to bed. Today after I got up, I spent time with Shannon, came home, went to a movie with my parents, and came home. And now here I am. Leaving after I get ready in the morning. Part of me has been ready for so long to get back to Omaha, and part of me is doing its usual freaking out about leaving home. Wasn’t really expecting it, though. I’ve gotten more sick than usual of my parents on my back about things, so I thought I’d be ready to head back as soon as I got the chance. I just feel like I’ve been so rushed with everything the past few days. Feel like I haven’t HAD to do some of the things I often feel pressured to do, but I haven’t gotten to do a few of the things I would have liked to do, like talk to Kate Gartin, etc. I don’t even know. I think I’m just upset, and it’s probably something like PMS kicking in, but, whatever.
I’m anxious about getting back to the Community. I wonder if my energy level is up to getting back there. It does just take a certain kind of energy to deal with things when you live with ten other people. I’m anxious about how things are going to be there this semester. I want things with Lucie to go really well. I want Kat to be okay after her trip. I want to see Eric, even though he won’t be living there. I want Petey around, not in jail. I want the retreat to go smoothly tomorrow night. I just don’t right now feel like I am prepared enough to go back yet. As much as I love love love living there, it’s so good to have a break every so often. I’m glad I am not living in Omaha for this coming summer. I like being able to close a door once in a while. I like not having to feel guilty for being a compulsive email checker. I like having a computer that isn’t in the Arctic basement. I like a little space once in a while. But there are things in Community that I need so much, that I don’t have here. For instance, it drives me batty how little we recycle at home. I need the extra freedom I have there, with the different expectations of how I will behave. If it’s one-thirty in the morning and I haven’t come home yet, the boys assume that I’m shacking somewhere. (KP would assume this too, but she often doesn’t get home too much sooner than I do.) Here, there are stern looks and disappointed talks when I am not home at the pre-set time.
I do just feel like my time at home has been so short the past two days. I don’t know.
What was good for me, though, was this afternoon. Shannon, her dad, and I went to the rally/protest over in Uptown, and it was good. There were over two thousand people there, with signs, and chants, and media, and pink (Code Pink- Women for Peace). I had psychically prepared by wearing my pink mittens and headband. Even though I didn’t get very vocal, the rally really helped me get back in the mode of social justice, a focus that has been lacking very much at my time at home. It’s always good to take a break from gung-ho-ness, but getting back is always energizing, and today helped with that. Some women gave Shannon and I signs they’d found on the ground, and they had to leave, so they gave them to us. Difference from the 72nd and Dodge rallies- today, if your sign wasn’t up on a stick, it wasn’t seen. Epi and I kept our signs- selfish, maybe, instead of passing them off to another person who didn’t have one (we ducked out a little early because of the freezingness), but I’m glad to have one. Mana is sweet enough to take it back to Omaha for me, which is helpful. Shannon also got me a big poster of Friends for a Non-Violent World’s 12 steps to transforming power (you know, that list I’ve posted several times and that I used to take a copy of with me everywhere I went). So I am set with new decorations when I get back to Omaha. Goody.
I think I just don’t like transitions. Just get me back to Omaha and back into the swing of things.