email to Pat / journal entry
Dec. 14th, 2002 12:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73How do you know when you've put your heart in the right place? What do you do when you naturally trust people, ALL people, and then they do something that metaphorically slaps you in the face?
I went out to Cali Taco witha few friends for dinner tonight. When I got home, Neal-bo was the only other one around, so I tossed my stuff on the table and stood around chatting with him. A few minutes after I got back, this woman, Laura, knocked on the door. Laura comes by every so often, probably less than once a month, asking for money, etc. I'd never met her before, only heard stories. Her stories are usually pretty shady, not really on the ball. We've decided as a community not to give her money, but food, diapers (she said she needed them one time, so we bought some), etc are okay, if whoever answers the door is comfortable with it. So she kind of forced her way in, wanting money for dinner for her and her kids. I told her I had no cash (which was a lie), and Neal offered her some of our food instead. We went back and forth with her for a bit ("Just five or six bucks, please, my kids are waiting." "I'd feel more comfortable giving you some food instead," "We just moved in and we don't have a stove." "We'll make you some sandwiches." "I'll pay you back tomorrow morning."), and she finally agreed to let us make her some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We did, and she left, and we stood together on the prch, glad that someone else had been home, not just one person. We went back in, a little bit shaked up, but all right. Then for some reason I looked in my wallet, and noticed that the twelve dollars I'd had in there after dinner wasn't there anymore. I checked all my pockets three times, emptied my wallet. Nothing. I called Cali Taco, they hadn't seen it lying around. I called all four friends I was with for dinner, and they didn't remember seeing it in my wallet or not (we'd been looking at my IDs and such during dinner). Neal and I started thinking about it, and we realized that Laura hadn't been in the kitchen with us the entire time- you know how monstrous it is, there just isn't room. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I have to think that she stole my money....
It just makes me wonder sometimes if I put my heart in the right place. I want so much to trust people, and it shakes me up a lot and makes me so sad when things like this happen.
So then I went to Salvation Army, and I was just feeling out of sorts. Not so enthusiastic. I'm sure God has Her reasons for all this, and it's not even the twelve dollars that bothers me at all. It's the fact that we were making her food while she was probably digging in my wallet. It's the fact that I want to be able to trust people- especially going into the social work field- and I don't know when not to.
I went out to Cali Taco witha few friends for dinner tonight. When I got home, Neal-bo was the only other one around, so I tossed my stuff on the table and stood around chatting with him. A few minutes after I got back, this woman, Laura, knocked on the door. Laura comes by every so often, probably less than once a month, asking for money, etc. I'd never met her before, only heard stories. Her stories are usually pretty shady, not really on the ball. We've decided as a community not to give her money, but food, diapers (she said she needed them one time, so we bought some), etc are okay, if whoever answers the door is comfortable with it. So she kind of forced her way in, wanting money for dinner for her and her kids. I told her I had no cash (which was a lie), and Neal offered her some of our food instead. We went back and forth with her for a bit ("Just five or six bucks, please, my kids are waiting." "I'd feel more comfortable giving you some food instead," "We just moved in and we don't have a stove." "We'll make you some sandwiches." "I'll pay you back tomorrow morning."), and she finally agreed to let us make her some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We did, and she left, and we stood together on the prch, glad that someone else had been home, not just one person. We went back in, a little bit shaked up, but all right. Then for some reason I looked in my wallet, and noticed that the twelve dollars I'd had in there after dinner wasn't there anymore. I checked all my pockets three times, emptied my wallet. Nothing. I called Cali Taco, they hadn't seen it lying around. I called all four friends I was with for dinner, and they didn't remember seeing it in my wallet or not (we'd been looking at my IDs and such during dinner). Neal and I started thinking about it, and we realized that Laura hadn't been in the kitchen with us the entire time- you know how monstrous it is, there just isn't room. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I have to think that she stole my money....
It just makes me wonder sometimes if I put my heart in the right place. I want so much to trust people, and it shakes me up a lot and makes me so sad when things like this happen.
So then I went to Salvation Army, and I was just feeling out of sorts. Not so enthusiastic. I'm sure God has Her reasons for all this, and it's not even the twelve dollars that bothers me at all. It's the fact that we were making her food while she was probably digging in my wallet. It's the fact that I want to be able to trust people- especially going into the social work field- and I don't know when not to.
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no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 01:58 pm (UTC)always, your bff
Re:
Date: 2002-12-14 09:32 pm (UTC)I'll call you when I am home. Tuesday afternoon, I think.
love you lots