terrypurple73 | (no subject)

Every time I sit down to work on that paper, I feel more and more discouraged. I just couldn’t work on it last night, and who knows if I’ll do anything with it today. I guess I doubt it. I don’t know what to do. I told Jen last night that I spend so much time recovering from that class, that I don’t have any time or energy to deal with it directly.
I’ve reached that point that I reach every semester, where I feel as if I am asking too much of myself to take 16 credits at once. But somehow, it’s different this semester. This time, I don’t have any energy or motivation to get my butt into gear for this class. I worked hard all week doing the rest of my stuff, so why this? I don’t know, I don’t know.
I went with Vicky to one of her education classes on Thursday, my second time sitting in on that class with her, and I loved it. Her teacher makes everyone feel that they will all be wonderful, great teachers. She made me feel as if I would be a wonderful teacher. Combined with the struggles I’m having in other classes, I was about ready to change my major. Um, I’m sort of tossing it around. Not too seriously, but I keep questioning what I am doing in my SWK classes, how far I am getting. Why are they so damn hard for me to accomplish anything in? I feel that if I can’t even pass a stupid sociology 212 course, then how am I supposed to handle my own upper-level classes? How am I supposed to handle grad school, if and when I decide to do that? But at the same time, as much as I’ve said for a long time that I am a closet elementary education major, I also don’t think that is what I want. I don’t think I would have the innovation, the energy, or whatever to lead a classroom of fourth-graders all day, every day, for years. I love kids, but at the same time, I don’t want to do that. I talked to Shannon last night, and when I told her about my consideration of changing my major, she told me that I would be wonderful at that. She offered that right out there, unprovoked, and fully believing that I could be great as a teacher. So what do I do? I love social work so much, but the way that my eyes light up when I am around little kids, when I am at my day care center, when I am surrounded by these kids who adore me…. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know where to focus myself, where to be aiming. I know what I love, and what I struggle with, and where I want to be, and where I probably don’t want to be, and so now…. Fudge.