Why is Africa so far away?
Jan. 14th, 2013 09:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terrypurple73I wrote out this little care package for Maura and Ryan last night. I'd been thinking about it a lot, and wanted to come up with some funny things to entertain them when they drive to LA soon to start their training and formation. Before, you know, they move to Cameroon in July for three years. So I wrote up some funny things, some informational facts about Cameroon, a pretty card, and a heartfelt letter to Maura about some things I've been thinking about in regards to her recently. So I emailed them last night and told them not to leave yet, because I hadn't mailed it. Ryan wrote back this morning and said I better hurry up and get it in the mail, because they're leaving early Thursday morning. Uh, Thursday is really soon. It's actually LATER THIS WEEK. But since he said they'd be at CVV tonight for the weekly Mass/dinner, I decided to go see them in person and skip the postal service.
So I went, and chatted with other CVV folks for a while, and Mass started, and they weren't there yet, because they operated on Maura Smallwood time even before they had kids. They showed up a couple minutes later, and about the second they sat down (while we're all still singing), I started to lose it. Not too bad at first, but the tears started coming. And went off and on for all of Mass. I know that the CVV houses and chapel are places where it's safe for me to feel vulnerable, emotional, to be myself in the exact moment I feel what I'm feeling. And when these dear friends come in with their three adorable and wonderful kids, when they're planning on leaving soon for several years, the vulnerability comes out, and I just cry. Loss is hard, and I'm losing some time with these dear people. That's a selfish way to phrase it, but it doesn't seem selfish to feel this way. I'm sad that they'll be gone. I'm not sad that they're going, but I'm sad that they'll be gone.
I got to spend a lot of dinner time talking to Maura, catching up and hearing more plans and whatnot for their trip. And I know I'll see them when they come back through Colorado in June, before they leave for real. But this step is pretty real, and it turns out that Cameroon is a really long way away.
So I went, and chatted with other CVV folks for a while, and Mass started, and they weren't there yet, because they operated on Maura Smallwood time even before they had kids. They showed up a couple minutes later, and about the second they sat down (while we're all still singing), I started to lose it. Not too bad at first, but the tears started coming. And went off and on for all of Mass. I know that the CVV houses and chapel are places where it's safe for me to feel vulnerable, emotional, to be myself in the exact moment I feel what I'm feeling. And when these dear friends come in with their three adorable and wonderful kids, when they're planning on leaving soon for several years, the vulnerability comes out, and I just cry. Loss is hard, and I'm losing some time with these dear people. That's a selfish way to phrase it, but it doesn't seem selfish to feel this way. I'm sad that they'll be gone. I'm not sad that they're going, but I'm sad that they'll be gone.
I got to spend a lot of dinner time talking to Maura, catching up and hearing more plans and whatnot for their trip. And I know I'll see them when they come back through Colorado in June, before they leave for real. But this step is pretty real, and it turns out that Cameroon is a really long way away.
